trust

is being in love equals being stupid?

sometimes im doing and saying things i normaly wouldnt say. im looking at myself and feeling stupid. sometimes i have to wonder is love worth all this? all the pain and question marks? and other days im thinking, is there anything else that matters but love?

how many chances to love can you get? how many chances to love can you give? when i get hurt i block myself. i have been doing that since i was a little kid. and i got really really good at it. too good if you ask me. i havent figured out yet how to unblock myself. i think i only unblocked myself twice before. once with my dad. gave him a second chance. gave me a second chance. i dont regret it at all. we have a wonderful relationship right now. the second time was with david. i owed it to myself. do i regret it? i cant tell you. i dont regret any of my choices. but i wouldnt do it again. i hope i learned my lesson.

i learned at a very young age that if a person betrays you once, he’ll do it again. thats why i dont give people second chances.  most people dont agree with me. they say that all people are alike and they all make mistakes. maybe im over protective of myself. maybe its my loss. sometimes i wish i was a bit braver. i wish i was able to love completly with no fear. when i get hurt i either run away or attack, when i attack im a real bitch. i hate that side of me. but i cant help it. i know that if i’ll hurt a person bad enoght he’ll leave me alone. i know its ugly but its also true. i am working on it. in a few months from now i’ll be a new person when it comes to trust. i will have more faith in people. im working really hard to achieve that.

to all the people i hurt with my words or actions im sorry. i really am.

6 comments Jpm7000000pmSat, 07 Jul 2007 12:08:27 +000007 23, 2007