tribal dancing.

i always saw myself as a very free spirit, someone who doesnt really care about other peoples opinions, but today i realized im not as free as i think i am.

im staying with a friend at puerto vallarta, one of the best towns ive ever been to. the people, the music, the culture, the food, everything is so colorfull.

right next to where we live there are tribal dancers. they dance every day at sunrise and sunset. i have been here for three days already and i was dying t dance with them. but a little voice inside kept telling me to sit down, people are watching, you’ll look like an idiot, you cant even dance to that music and so on.

so every night i would go there, and every night i would go home dissapointed for not dancing with them.

you can see some of the people that were dancing, some were so drunk, some were on drugs and the rest just having a good time. i dont smoke or drink and i never felt i needed anything to loosen up. i always did what i wanted. so what happened? have i changed? is it a part of the growing old process?? why do we care so much about what other people think??

i went today again, there were more people cause its a sunday and the music was amazing. this guy came to me and started talking, we talked for maybe 15 minutes, then he asked me if i wanna go for a walk on the beach with him. thats it. thats all i needed. at that moment i said no thanks and started dancing with the band. i had such a good time!!!!! they played tribal music, and african music and even brazilian music!!! i had such a wonderful time. i told them i will be back tomorrow morning i hope i will wake up, i got the bad habbit of waking up late….. i blame david for that.

i actually have plans for tomorrow. rare thing for me to do. wish me luck!! 

3 comments Jpm2000000pmSun, 10 Feb 2008 21:22:54 +000008 23, 2007

a story about a girl 2

it was her last day on the island. she refused to leave it without one last adventure. she woke up early just like any other day, took a nice long shower, got her usual watermelon juice and went to explore the island some more.

it was a beautiful sunny day. birds were everywhere. she felt good. smiling to people. waving to the local kids. taking a few pictures on the way. then she saw something she havent noticed before. it was a path. right between the trees. it was a small path but still a path. with no doubt in her heart she took it. started walking between the trees and flowers. not a person was around. no cars. no noise. no houses. nothing but the sound of the ocean not too far ahead. she kept walking.  hearing snakes and other unwelcoming animals she did not stop. if you only knew how stubborn she was. no snake in the world can stop this girl from an adventure. after some time she saw it. it was perfect. the most beautiful shore ever. clean white sand. clear blue water. coconut trees. and the best part- not a soul was around.no foot prints on the sand. no boats. no dead fish. nothing but nature with all its glory. there was only one problem. how to get to there? she saw it. so close and yet so far away. the girl closed her eyes. she does that frequently whenever she wants to listen to her heart for an advise. with a green light from her beloved heart she decided to keep on going and find the way to that private beach.

she started climbing a small hill. not so bad she thought to herself. then another hill. then another. the sun showed no mercy. the girl was getting tired and to be honest a little scared she wont find her way back. but as i mentioned before, stubborn.  after a nice long walk she stopped. looking around, she realized she was lost. no idea where she was or how to go back.  great. it was 3pm already and it gets dark at 6pm. not knowing what to do she sat on the ground and started singing. she does that whenever she freaks out. after a few songs and a few red ants walking all over her she decided to keep looking for that beach and not try and go back. did i mention already she was a bit stubborn at times…

by 4pm she was there. she found it. it was even more beautiful then she remembered. better then a picture. and it was hers. gods little gift to her. and just like any other normal person would do, she took off all her clothes and ran to the water. cold! it was perfect. for the first time in years the girl felt so alive and so beautiful she couldnt help it and started crying. of course. tears of joy ran over her pink cheeks into the ocean.

she sat on the shore and listened to her classical music. that made her cry even more. then, standing there naked alone with nature, a boat came out of nowhere. 7 tourists  looked very happy to see her, waving and taking pictures. she wasnt embarrassed. she was a bit shocked maybe, and found the whole thing to be really really funny. she waved back and sat back down still laughing.

she started getting a little tired and closed her eyes for a few minutes. then a mans voice with a french accent woke her up, asking if he can join her. she opened her eyes and saw a very naked guy in front of her. why not she could use the company.

two strangers. sitting naked in a foreign country. on a deserted island. looking at the sunset in silence. they sat there like that for more then two hours. it was time to go. they got up. looking at each other. realizing how strange the whole thing was, they both started laughing. he took the girls hand and kissed it. she blushed. they got dressed and walked hand in hand on the shore. he gave her a ride home. then said goodbye.

the girl stood there. thinking about the entire day. appreciating her life. loving the world. loving herself. and thanking god for this wonderful little adventure she had today.

the girl went to bed. not knowing what tomorrow will bring. what new exciting adventure. new people. new places. new dreams. a new day.
she was happy.

Add a comment Jam1000000amSat, 19 Jan 2008 06:10:02 +000008 23, 2007

lets talk!

close you eyes. think of a problem you have. now open your eyes. is this problem from your past, present or future? most likely its from your past or future.

my teacher asked me that a while ago. everyone in class had some problem. i was the only black sheep. the only problem i had at the moment was my hair. there was no hot water in the morning ( its india it happends ) so i didnt wash my hair. oy the mess!!!

my teacher was surprised by my answer and laughted at me. he was looking for a real problem. i told him i have no problems. the past is gone and i learned from it and why think about the future?? wheres the fun in that? i live here. right now.

i have been throught a lot in my life already. i had my share of ups and downs. i had faith and lost it and found it again. i loved and got my heart broken like everyone else ( if youre lucky! ).

8 months ago i wanted to die. no joke. i really wanted to die. no because i was unhappy. well i was unhappy but that wasnt the reason. i simply had enough. i understood what life was all about. i got it. and i had enough. i didnt want to take a part of this game anymore.

that day, the day i wanted to die, was the best day of my life. no im not crazy. i needed that fall. it was the hardest fall of my life. i had no faith. no dreams. no love. no nothing. it was great. the best lesson god have ever showed me. i feel so greatfull.

no matter how stupid or blind i was, he never gave up on me. slowly he showed me my path again. i had to fall. a new person is growing now. i like this one. i can live with this one. i have a new dream. its a great one. ( sorry not sharing….)

its the holiday season. all over the world. some are happy. some are sad. some are alone.

for the happy ones i want to say happy holiday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for the sad ones i want to say- life is too short for this crap.  go stand infront of a mirror and smile like an idiot for 10 minutes. stare at yourself. dont tell anyone youre doing this youre strange enough…. but trust me youll feel better!!

for all of you who feel alone- i want to say one thing.  we are never alone. maybe theres no one sharing your bed at night. maybe you eat breakfast on your own. maybe you work hard every day and go back to an empty house. maybe you got no one to say “i love you” and mean it. maybe no one knows who you really are. maybe you celebrate your birthday alone. maybe you have lots of people around you all day and you care about none of them.

we all felt that way before. and we will again. unless you realize something. realize that you and i are conected. ok maybe you dont know me. dont know my name. dont know how old i am. dont know where i live or which ice cream i love the most ( all of them!! ), but you know ME. my soul. you know i was born. you know i will die. you know i cry. you know i get scared. you know i fell in love. you know i lost. you know i worked. you know i bled. you know i sleep. you know i dream. you know everything there is to know about me that means something. same goes with my mom. you know my mom. you know my family. you know my friends. you know the whole world. we are all conected. you are never alone.

if all that didnt work and you still feel alone email me. lets talk. im a good listener. ok thats a lie. im a bad listener. but i can make you smile. and sometimes that all we need.

happy holidays!!!

for my family:

sorry i didnt write for a long time. india is wonderful!! im so happy to be here. my course is almost over and im leaving rishikesh in a week. going to agra next and then maybe goa. after that i dont know. should be home by april but dont count on it. i miss you! all my love. likush.

Add a comment Jam12000000amTue, 11 Dec 2007 05:49:36 +000007 23, 2007

growth

i cant tell you how much i wanted to disappear. be truly on my own. to be in a place where no one could reach me. this was my dream for a long long time. its not anymore. something changed. ive changed during these past 8 months. i have god to thank for that.

im in india at the moment, and im very much in love with this place. im alone here but dont feel alone for a second. god and i weren’t this close in years. so many things in my life make sense for the first time. im heading to Thailand in a few weeks. a new chapter in my life. im so happy. im so very much content.

i really see god in my life every day all day now. i was thinking a lot about my past. and i really believe that one of the main points in my life happened when i was 21 and met matt and david. they both showed me something beautiful and changed my life forever. i no longer talk to any of them but i have them both in my heart and will thank them forever. they will never know why and how they did it but now i see why i had to meet them both.

i feel less and less confused with each day that im here. i feel whole again. i feel like i finally have a goal in life. i have learned so much here about life, people and myself. from such a sad and alone child im growing to be a happy beautiful woman. i wish i had a way to make more people feel this way. so many of us are lost and alone and confused. instead of realizing that we are all really just one body and help each other more so we wont feel so alone, we push each other even more away from each other and feel even more alone.

for one minute i wish i had really really long arms so i could give you all a hug. since i cant do that use your imagination!

i love you all really. not sure who wished me happy chanuka but thanks!!!!!

happy chanuka everyone!!

2 comments Jam12000000amFri, 07 Dec 2007 01:21:17 +000007 23, 2007

so far…

the best part in travelling in the unknown.  when i travel i never plan ahead. i dont time myself. and i love going on my own. i love to think and learn more about life as i go on. and then there is the best part. going home and looking back on your trip. remembering the people you have met. the conversations that made you think.

well, im almost done with this trip but i already met my three people who really made me look at myself and think about my life.

i only saw each for maybe 20 minutes and none of them spoke english. i wont tell you about all three. one of them i saw as i was leaving ilha do mel. i saw him on the boat and we were both going to cortiva. he lived on this island his entire life and he is my age.

every time i talk to someone and tell him about my life they go wow. im used to it. this guy wasnt impressed at all. so naturally it got me curious. with my broken english this is what i got. he said: travel is great. you get to see the world. you learn a lot. you meet great people. but then what? he lost me there. what do you mean? he said, well youre not married, you dont have kids, no family, nothing of your own. (ouch). so you could write a great book maybe. but youll feel very lost and empty in a few years. he told me that he lived in one place his whole life and he already knows whats really important. he wants a family.

well, then my bus came and we said goodbye. before i left he kissed me on the lips and said good luck. what the f???

well i was on that bus for 18 hours and i kept thinking about him. is he right? is that what we live for? is that all we want? something to call it ours? can a person be really happy without a family? will i feel empty in a few years? an i going the wrong path here?

ok, then i met a girl. 3 years youger then me. from sao paulo. very smart girl. really wanted more out of life. met her in parati. we went out and got some acai and talked for hours. we talked about us and relationships. she told me her story. then i was thinking about my own story. there was a conection there. we both loved men that didnt treat us right. why? we are both smart. strong. curious. we both look good and funny. shes got a brazilian ass!! so why? why do we love them? the next day i left town and was alone again. thinking about this whole thing.

this is what i think. i think its a low self esteem problem. we both dont believe we could be loved. we both punish ourselves for the past. now, guys, dont talk, this is for the ladies. i have been talking to a lot of girls and we all have that in common. we go to men that control us. that play with us. and make us unhappy. i have been thinking about the man i love and i hate myself for loving him. loving him means hating myself. do i really hate myself? and if i do, why? and how do i break this cycle??

the third person i met a few days ago. he reminded me of my dad. and he made me think a lot. i wont go into details cause its personal, but ill never forget him.

i think ill be getting home in a week or two. im very happy i came here. i learned so much about myself. and now i know what i have to work on.

in mid october im going to eilat and mid november im going to asia. i can believe im already planning my next trip and im on the border of brazil.

monkey man, i need you to know something. you always treated me right. you were always good to me. thats why i miss you so much. miss my friend. but from my boyfriend i needed more. read this book hidious kinki and tell me what you think.

shesek, youre not the problem. youre you. always have been. its me. im the problem. took me a while to see that. and now its just too simple.

paul, you opened my eyes and ill never be the same again. i wish you luck and know that youre not alone in this. and if you ever need me ill be there for you to hold your hand.

ima, you messed my life up and now i need your help to fix it. we have a lot of work ahead so i hope youre ready. i love you for caring enough to do this.

isabella, i will never forget you! believe in yourself and never let go of your dreams! if you ever need anything please ask!

will write more once i get home. love you all!

2 comments Jpm9000000pmSun, 23 Sep 2007 14:27:38 +000007 23, 2007

a little change

ok people im leaving in 2 days. i know i said i’ll write here but i changed it to facebook.

please dont panic if you wont hear from me for a while.

love you all.

4 comments Jpm8000000pmMon, 06 Aug 2007 14:05:33 +000007 23, 2007

the next step.

i have been feeling so calm lately. a little spiritual even. i wanted to write about it but i cant explain it. i feel love all around me. everything around me is made out of pure love. i know what youre thinking mom, im not on drugs, oy. i was talking to a few very interesting people. one of them joined a tribe in africa a few years ago and now he’s back to tell his story. we talked a lot. i can listen to hi story again and again. there is just one thing we both dont understand. why is he back? he was so happy there. and for once in his life he felt belonged to something. why did he leave it all? i can only guess. my guess is this, i think we all want our homes at the end of the day. i travel all over the world, and every few years i make a little stop here. israel is my home. i can rest here. but i cant stay for long. well im going to bolivia and he’s going back to africa.

the change is coming. all my dreams are about that. about the people im about to meet. the great new things im going to learn. i just love a good adventure. do you wanna know what i want? i’ll tell you. i really think its my next step after bolivia.

ok, im sure you all read the Alchemist. great book. i read it a few times already and every time i learn something new. well, this is what i want, i want that long search, that long walk, for days and weeks and months, in the desert a forest i dont care. i want to walk with nature and listen to my heart again and learn the language of the world.

i told you i spoke to a few very interesting people. well the other guy was “santiago”. he’s been doing that for years. he told me his story. truly an amazing guy.

i thought i lost my ability to dream. but i didnt. its coming back to me now.  this strong Lihi i used to know is coming back now. i love her. she can move mountains, nothing and no one can stop her. i was so scared i’ll never see her again when all i needed was a little rest.

im ready for the next step.

1 comment Jam7000000amThu, 05 Jul 2007 00:00:03 +000007 23, 2007

good to be back?

well im back, i had a great time, turkey is beautiful and the weather was perfect. we went to antalya and stayed in kemer, the food was amazing and even though i dont eat meat anymore ( yes, again ), i had to try the kabab and it was worth it!

i went to an amazing party that lasted all night where my little brother saw me kissing a guy and i had to explain myself in the morning for 3 hours! wont make that mistake again.

now ladies, if you like a good massage, turkey is the place to do it. it was the most erotic massage ever and i havent been this aroused for years! if you are shy dont do it! he massaged everything and i do mean everything.  makes me horney just thinking about it again. so lets move on.

well the beach is beautiful, did some sky diving. and almost died twice. had a lot of time for myself to think in between meals and i feel much more relaxed now.

for all of you who are waiting to see some pictures, yes, i took some, where’s the trust?!? not too many but still, im getting better.

oh oh i forgot to tell you, and this is still a big maybe, but i think i found my farm. its in  brazil, its a little small but with all the money i gave my mom thats really all i can afford right now, its got a little house with 3 bedrooms, and 4 sheeps. have no idea what to do with a sheep but hey, i can learn. it will be available in december and i actually know the owners. my dream might actually come true!!! ha ha. i will keep you posted.

have to get some sleep now cause im working in a few hours, but ill write some more details tomorrow.

good night!!!

4 comments Jam6000000amSun, 24 Jun 2007 11:52:22 +000007 23, 2007

the unknown

i cant believe that yet again im going towards the unknown. why am i doing that to myself? im thinking that all i really want is to find a small quiet place and to be left alone. but i have to ask myself, is that really all i want? cause i can do that in israel, it would be much simpler and yet i choose to go as far as i can and dissapear. vanish into the unknown. when im around people who dont know me, dont know my past, well, they think im a happy person, that i enjoy life, and i love that. helps me remember the person i used to be.

i started telling people that im not going to college and im leaving the country again. you really have to see their faces when i tell them. i know im such a big dissapointment to all of them. they dont understand i cant help it. im not happy about the decisions im making but i cant help it. i have to go. have to. so dont make it harder for me then it already is, be there for me just like im always there for you when you need me.

and to answer you question, no i’ll never stop this life style. this is who i am. this is what i do best. i run away from life. ive become really good at it. so just be there to catch me when i fall, thats all i ask of you.

pray for me…..

5 comments Jam6000000amThu, 21 Jun 2007 03:34:49 +000007 23, 2007

its beach time!

i know its not easy but please try to follow!

no im not leaving to south america tomorrow. tomorrow im flying to turkey for a few days. its beach time. i love the beach so much. i always get emotional when i look at that big beautiful blue ocean.

the beach really saved me when i got back to Israel two months ago. i didn’t leave the beach for 2 weeks till i felt strong enough to face the world.  after Bolivia im going to Costa Rica, ill be on the beach for 2 weeks and do nothing! im not great at doing nothing im a bit hyper at times, but i promised myself to do just that.

and yes ill take pictures, lots of them. no worries.

shira, heard you’re going to Argentina in September! amazing. let me know if you need a place to stay, got a lot of friends there. have a good time!

1 comment Jam6000000amWed, 20 Jun 2007 10:00:31 +000007 23, 2007