a story about a girl.

i am eight years old today. my dad left the house a long time ago. its just me and my mom now. everything is different now. my world is not safe anymore. im going to school every day. i dont like it. i have a nice teacher and she is being very nice to me. my mom told her whats going on in my life and she feels sorry for me. i hate doing homework. i hate being in class. my mind wonders. he doesnt listen to me. he doest know time and space. he goes everywhere. he is truly free.

its time to go home now. im walking. its nice out. im taking my time. dont really feel like going to an empty house. but its a short walk and now im there. just as i remembered it, empty. i wash my hands. im making lunch. im done. now what? five more hours to be alone. im going downstairs to play with the street cats. i like them all but there is one i really love. her name is mitsi. she is black and white. we get each other. she cares about me. i can feel it. i sit on the ground and talk to her for hours. she listens to every word i say. then it gets dark. a little cold. i say good night to mitsi and go home. i forgot how empty it was. two more hours and my mom is coming back. i cant wait. i dont know why i want her here, she never cares. all she wants to know is how was my day at school. and if im done with my homework. she doesnt care about my long talk with mitsi. or how empty this house feels to me. or how much i miss my dad.

i made it. she is back. she asked me if i ate. i say yes. and yes to the homework question. and yes, i had a nice day at school today mom. wanna hear about mitsi? why not?? she is all i’ve got!! she is my friend. you should care. its pointless i know. im taking a shower. taking a book and going to bed. i love this book. its about this kid with red hair that feels different from everyone else. i know the feeling im trying to tell him. yeah, i like that book. i read it so many times already.  oh man my mom just tured off the lights. its bed time she says. i told her so many times i have to finish my book. she doesnt read. she doesnt know. i got my flashlight under my pillow. i finish my book. im going to sleep.

i wake up in the morning. the pigeons woke me up again. im staring at the wall. not getting out of bed yet. im trying to understand whats the point of doing this one day over and over again. i mean today is going to be just like yesterday. and tomorrow is going to be just the same as today. is this life? it this it?? i get out of bed. i brush my teeth. wash my face. get dressed. locking the door and going to school. its a nice day out. mitsi is no here. i cant find her. but i know she will be waiting for me when i get back. another boring day at school. in my mind i was flying far away. just opened the window and flew away. what a great feeling. the wind is playing with me. from up here my school looks like a little toy.  i dont know where to fly. all i know is my neighborhood. im tired of flying and going back to school. what choice do i have? the teacher is still talking!! why do people talk so much? what is she talking about? why cant i hear her? it it hebrew?? whats going on with the bell today?? taking it forever….. oh its about time.

walking home.  yep just as i thought, still empty. god i hate this place. doing my homework. making lunch. eating. how alone can one person be?? i cant hear mitsi. going to look for her. im walking around calling her. nothing. i cant believe she left me as well! why is everyone leaving me all the time? i remind myself that mitsi loves me and she wouldnt do that to me. i decide to keep looking. its night time. mom is back. im crying. for the first time she cares. we go out to look for her together. its 8pm. its late. its my book time. but mitsi is much more important then my book. and i know she would do the same for me. then one of my neighbours sees up and talks to my mom. i cant hear them but i know its not good. i can see my moms face changes. she grabs my hand and takes me home. i wanna know whats wrong. she doesnt say anything. so annoying. is it about my dad?? is he coming back? is it about mitsi? someone saw her? what is it? tell me im a big girl i can take it. when we get home we sit on the sofa and she tells me. the neigbour from the fourth floor gave mitsi some food today. poisoned food. she is dead. mitsi is gone. i dont understand. she explains it to me again. she made too much noise. he didnt like her. so he killed her. i couldnt move. i couldnt feel. i wasnt sad. i didnt care. and then something happened. something moved. inside me something moved. i heard a noise. my fucking heart just broke. i snapped. i left the apartment and went to that neighbour. i never yelled before. i never misbehaved before. i hated him. i hated everyone. why????? why did he do it? she was my friend. now im truly alone.

alone. 

6 comments Jam11000000amSun, 11 Nov 2007 09:56:23 +000007 23, 2007

tagged again-my hate list.

ok now a list of things that i hate!! i like that. only eight? can i do more? this is great. where do i begin?

i hate politicts!!

hate small talks.

i get angry really really fast and then i need like an hour to calm down. i hate that!

i hate it when people tell me what they think i should do. or what the next stop in life should be.

i hate violence.

hate hate hate cigarettes.

hate being sick.

hate situations when i need to be polite.

hate it when people scare me. hate horror movies. scared of the dark.

oh, and i hate vegetables.

how did i do?

1 comment Jam7000000amFri, 06 Jul 2007 07:52:20 +000007 23, 2007