why is it so easy to forget the good times? why do i concentrate on remembering the bad times? im trying to figure out if its just my way of protecting myself or my way to convince myself that this cant work.

ok Lihi, what is it that you feel you need to protect yourself from? be honest now. what is it that really scares you so much? is it the drugs? the alcohol?  the moods? the lifestyle? or just your regular stupid fears… that it wont work. that you’ll end up heart broken.

well, let me tell you something about yourself that apparently you forgot. you loved him. you really loved him. are you so stubborn you cant even admit it now? im not asking you to live in the past. maybe you are both too different now and it wont work, but dont sit here pretending it wasnt real because it was.

and let me tell you one more thing. you are wasting your life being afraid. i know that your world is safe. i know that you feel lost with him. i know you cant see how it can work. but honey whats with you? you always did things this way. you never knew what the future holds and that never stopped you before. trust me, when you die, no one will say you were a coward. i know that just being here right now makes you feel like a little girl, frightened and alone, but you are not a little girl anymore. you are a woman now, you know who you are and what you want. you know that you can make money, and live without it. you can have a home or keep on traveling forever. there is just one thing you cant live without. and thats him. dont ask me why because i dont know. but its the truth and you know it. so he is not perfect. so what? are you??

im sitting here alone, the sun in on my face, im clean and theres a great shampoo smell in the air. listening to my music and feeling happy. not a care in the world. no worries. nothing bothers me. talking to my friends, all are telling me im crazy and that i have to leave, they think im insane. i dont think i am. i think im realistic. i found something precious and i wont let it go without a fight. you keep asking me about the future, well i dont know. to be honest with you, youre right. no, i cant see us getting married and having a family. but i can still dream. i can still hope he might realize what i have realized already.   and if not, well the door is open and i will move on with my life. but the least i can do is stay. give it a real chance. all i want is someone to share my life with, why not him? he is easy, doing his own thing, doesnt bother me too much, almost clean, thats not bad. you know me, i dont need much. having very little makes me very happy.

you have  6 months.  think you can stay that long and see what happens? i think you should, because we both know that this is the last time. no more chances. dont blow this one by running away. not this time. for your sake and his.