what is it really that i am looking for in this life? i have been thinking about it for the past few days after a good friend brought it up and i had no answer. i felt confused and a little angry for some reason at myself and him. well today i woke up and decided to figure this one out. since this is not the first time that people have asked me that very same question many many times before. took me 6 hours to find my answer. all i needed was some time for myself. a beautiful day. the sun. the beach. some music. then i can think and feel clearly and find find answers.

ok so to all of you curious people out there, and mom, i have an answer for all of you. are you ready?

nothing.

im not looking for anything special. everything i ever wanted i already have. i have known the world. i have known people. i have known friends. i have known love. i had adventures and memories. had so many good and wonderful days and oh so many bad ones. im a generally happy person. yes of course i get sad and lost and confused sometimes but i think thats normal. and this is why i have you, my friends to help me when im down.

i understand my life. i understand my goals. yes i have a goal mom oy.  its just a bit different then the way you live thats all. my goal in life is to live. thats it. i wake up i eat something and i do whatever it is that i feel like doing at that moment. thats my life. you keep asking me about tomorrow when in my head there is no tomorrow. there is only today. there is right now.

i have tried living it your way. i cant do it. i think that you are all wrong. am i smarter then the rest of you…. maybe. or maybe im an idiot and one day will understand what you all tried to tell me all these years. maybe. you never know. or maybe one day youll be 60 and sad and understand me and my life style. maybe.

look im 27 now. i will be 30 soon! not a kid anymore. really. how about giving me some space to do my thing and stop criticizing my life.  i know i take a lot of risks in life but im ready to get hurt. im ready to fall on my face.

i cant tell you if this is how im going to be till the day i die. i change all the time. i learn all the time. i might feel differently some day. i love you when you get married. i love you when you get divorced. i love you when youre happy. im there for you when youre sad. but i never tell you youre making a mistake. even if i think it. its your mistake to make and not mine. and its your job to be there for me when i need you. but dont try to fix me or help poor lihi, because she is doing just fine.

i love that you are worried about me. it shows how much you care and love me.

rakesh, we wouldn’t have met if i wouldn’t have come to goa. and im glad i met you i had a great time. i made a friend.  all im doing in my life is follow my path. hope that answers your question.

love.