i was talking to a friend of mine today who is 6 months older then me and celebrating his 28th birthday next month. that is getting really close to the big 30. i havent seen him for a year now and it feels like a few days which shows me how fast time goes by. i will hit 30 in no time. all my friends are married. one is pregnant. and i love them and im happy for them and i think they chose good partners. but they are making me feel even more different then i really am.

my whole life i looked at an age as a number and nothing more. im the same lihi i know and love, i feel the same about marriage and kids. im sorry but for me its a big deal. i wont marry anyone. whats with the preasure?? do you know how hard it is to find someone you really love? well i know. i have looked everywhere. and trust me its not an easy task.

i just talked to my mom, told her where im going she almost had a stroke. every time i talk to her i can feel she is still hoping i would grow up and start making right decisions in my life and be more like other people. oy. why is it so hard to eccept me as i am. im not a bad person. i have met a few people who thought i was lovely. why cant my mom feel the same way? im so tired of feeling im dissapointing her all the time. she keeps saying that all she really wants is for me to be happy. but that a big fat lie. because i am happy. right now. at this moment. is it so hard to believe?

my life is brilliant. im free to go wherever i want. do whatever i want. i enjoy every minute of my life. thats not something a lot of people can say. i dont think my life is a mess. they make perfect sense to me.

live for today!!